Chapter 5

I settle onto the plush gray couch in the office.  It's becoming familiar now.  Dr. Levesque is behind her desk, scribbling on her notepad.  I watch her long fingers artfully scroll the notes for a moment, before glancing around the office. 

I've spent a lot of time here since coming to town. Three or four sessions a week at least.  She has seen all my medical records and the police reports and is really only one of a handful of people who really knows what happened.  She's the only person anywhere around who knows what happened and the only person I talk to about it.

She finishes her notes from the last session and looks up.

"Sorry about that.  Had to wrap that up."  She smiles at me as she gets up and takes a few steps around to settle on the chair across from me.

"So, how was your week?" she asks.

We start off every session the same.

"Just peachy," I answer.

She raises an eyebrow at me.  "You're not fooling me.  I don't know why we play this game every week. Just talk to me. Tell me about it."

I resign myself to it.  "Actually, I think you'll be happy with me this week.  I made a few references to pop culture, had a good laugh.  My incident...I referred to it as The Event.  You know, like the show?" I look back to her expecting her to be impressed with my attempt at humor at the situation.

She doesn't look happy like I was expecting.  "It's just another another defense mechanism instead of coping with the situation Delilah."

Damn.  I really thought she'd be happy, say I was making progress.

"Tell me what else happened this week. Have you taken any of my advice?"

"I went out last night. To a party."

This elicits a response.  "Now that's more like it. Tell me about it.  What inspired that?" she asks as she leans forward and makes a few notes.

This is more like it.  I start rambling. "Well, Lauren texted me last night about needing a ride home from a party since she'd been drinking.  So I got dressed and drove out to the beach to get her."  I look up smiling.

The Dr. isn't smiling anymore.  "Oh Delilah.  Here I was thinking you were actually going out on your own instead of playing the role of MADD advocate." She leans back and sighs.  "Tell me more."

I look down at my hands again.

"Well, there was a problem.  Someone touched me."

She leans forward again.  "Tell me about it."

I explain about how Lauren pulled me over to meet some guy and how I was looking around, distracted, when I felt the arm slip around me.

Before I can continue, she interrupts.  "What had distracted you?  That's not like you to be distracted, especially in that type of situation."

For the first time in a while I clam up.  I really wasn't planning to talk about this.  I mean seriously, this guy won't remember me and why was I really distracted by him anyway.  I can only imagine what she'll have to say about this.

I sigh.  "There was a guy standing on the edge of the group.  For some reason I noticed him and I was studying him when it happened."

"Hmmmm, interesting.  What happened next?" she says as she scribbles some notes.

"Well, the minute I felt his arm tough me I knew it was trouble.  I reacted, but thankfully I caught myself before unleashing any of the moves I learned in self defense class."

"I'm still not sure that you taking that was a good idea quite yet."

I glance at her and continue. "Then I started to feel dizzy.  The guy I noticed came over and helped me to a nearby log so I could sit down."  I continued to tell her how he insisted on me going home and followed me home to make sure I got home okay.

"Well, this was quite an event for you Delilah.  He sounds like a nice guy.  What's his name? Are you seeing him again?"

I laugh at loud at this thought.  "No, I don't think so.  I'll probably never even see him again."

"I think it's time Delilah.  You should think about it.  If not him, someone else."

"Now you sound like Lauren." I shrug her off and she gets that I'm shutting down so she changes the topic.

"How have the nightmares been?"

"Rough.  Starting a fresh cycle again.  I had the first dream last night before I went to the party."

"Any changes?"

"No, same as always."  I sigh.

"Wait, no.  There was a change.  This morning, I woke up without a nightmare.  When I got home from the party, no nightmare, nothing.  So strange.  It must have taken its toll on me."

Dr. Levesque perks up at this and leans forward interested.  "Delilah, this is huge.  I don't think it's a coincidence."

"What do you mean?"

"You went out to a party, met a guy.  No dreams. Integrating back into society.  Living.  You know, all the things I've been trying to get you to do."

I lean back and think about it.  Really, could that be it?  I doubt it.  "I don't think so, I really think I was just over tired."

"Time will tell I guess.  How's training going?  Any issues with your ankle since you started running again?"

I reach down and gingerly rub my ankle, remembering the pain of waking up in a cast.  I don't want to think about that, I'll relive that night again soon enough I'm sure when my nightmares return.  "I've been taking it really slow, going easy like the trainer recommended.  I'm planning to do my first long run tomorrow then.  That will be the real test."

Just thinking about it excites me.  I've kind of actually been looking forward to this weekend because of that.  Hopefully I'll be able to do six, or eight, or hey maybe even ten miles tomorrow.  We'll see how I feel.  At least six though and I'll be happy.

I glance back at Dr. L.  She's watching me.  "It's good to see your getting excited about something again, although I really wish it involved someone else besides you.  Try for me please Delilah.  You need to get out and connect more."

"I'm going to lunch with Lauren after my run," I say indignantly, defensively.

"You know that's not what I mean.  New people."

I'm frustrated now and ready to leave.  "Is that all for today?"

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" she asks.

"Nope, I'm good."

She closes her notebook.  "Have a good weekend Delilah.  See you next week."

"Thanks, you too." I saw almost out the door.

I practically sprint down the stairs and out the door to jog slowly home.  As I'm jogging I start to feel bad for being defensive.  I know she means well.  My mandated time seeing her just ended last week, so I'm going willingly now.  I'm not stupid.  I know I have issues and I need to work on them.  It's just hard.

I quickly make it home, run in and shower.  Now onto the rest of my jam packed day.  Grocery shopping, errands, and then back to the library to grab some more books and movie store to grab some movies.  Distractions to help me get through the weekend.  I do a ton of reading now - lets me escape to another world.