Chapter 1

Beep, Beep, Beep.

I wake up narrowly escaping one of the worst parts of one of the more terrifying nightmares I have.  I stare around my room, groggy and confused.  I'm not used to be woken up in the middle of one of my nightly, reoccurring dreams.  I'm much more familiar waking up soaked in sweat, panicked from the events I just relived, but relieved that it's momentarily over.

I glance around nervously trying anxiously to locate the source of the savior that has helped me temporarily escape my nightly attempts to cope with my past, or at least that's what Dr. Levesque calls it.  I can tell by the shadows in my room that it is still night time.  What else should I expect - it's not like I even remember sleeping through the night and waking up when it's light out without at least having two or three nightmares in the process at this point.
I reach over to my nightstand to check my phone to see what time it is.   My phone chimes just as my hand hovers precariously above it, as if it was trying to further increase my rapid heart beat.  Beep, beep, beep.   I grab the phone and flip it over to face me. 

1:03 AM.  2 unread messages.
Who would be texting me at 1 AM?  Who even knows my number or that I'm here?  Oh, right, Lauren.  It has to be Lauren.
I tap the screen so I can read my messages.
Lil - Where r u?
Come on, I know you can't be sleeping.

I can't huh?  Lauren only knows a little bit about what happened to me and by little bit I mean the bare details that I could give her to end her persistent barrage of information gathering.  She doesn't know about my dreams, doesn't know how little sleep I get and the routine I've established for myself to try and make myself have a life again, or at least the illusion of one that will satisfy Dr. L.

I reach to text her back.

Yes, actually, I was sleeping.  What's up?

U have to come to this party. Wicked!

Need to sleep. Working in the morning.

Lil - It's Friday night!! Seriously!?

Really?  Already the weekend.  Damn.  I hate weekends.  Trying to find things to fill up the void in time between work so I don't have time to dwell upon the event.  The corners of my lips lift ever so slightly in a slight smile.  The event.  Dr. L would like that one probably.  That's a show right? See, I'm making a connection to pop culture and relating the past to it.  I'm coping just fine.

Lil, come on. U have to come.

Seriously?  She's texting me to come to a party.  Then I remember the twenty minute spiel she went on the other day about her latest infatuation and the party this weekend and whether or not he'd be there.  I don't have time for this.  None of it matters to me anymore.  Of course, not much of anything matters to me anymore.  The good Dr. wouldn't like that.  She says I need to connect, find a passion.  I have passions.  I run, I train.

I don't think so.  I'm tired. Training in the AM.

Lil - I need a ride.  U wouldn't want me to drive when I've been drinking would u?

Dammit.  Lauren knows me too well.  She knows I can't say no to this because of my parents.  It's a low blow.  Then again, she doesn't really know about all I've been through and she's just trying to help in her own way.  Sweet, carefree Lauren.

Where is it?  Send me the info.  Leaving in 10.

I put down my phone and head to the bathroom.  I flip on the light, shield my eyes as they adjust to the light.  I quickly run a brush through my hair.  Lucky for me, looks the same as ever.  I guess I was blessed with great hair - easy to maintain, low maintenance.  I reach for my toothbrush and try to calm my anxiety about the coming events.  I haven't been out in public since moving back to town.  Very few people know I'm back in town.  Then again, I think most people who knew me around here are probably gone anyway thankfully.  I'm really not ready to make up more stories to try to explain what I've been up to.

I rinse my mouth and put my toothbrush back in the holder.  I glance in the mirror.  Besides the bags under my eyes, pretty presentable all things considered.  I've never been one for make up - too much effort and I don't think I need it.  I put on some sunscreen out of habit and then walk to my closet.  I decide on my trusty green v-neck t-shirt and brown capris.  I slip on my flip flops, grab my purse and keys, and then walk over to grab my phone to see where I'm heading.

Lil - do u remember anything?  It's only been 2 years!  Cramer's!  C u soon. Txt me when ur here.

Cramer's beach?  What feels like ancient memories start to resurface.  Oh right, in college we always had parties in the old state park management area.  It's basically closed down to the public, but it's a great place for parties.  Remote, private, beach access.  The locals know about it, tourists don't.  The law enforcement groups pretty much let the kids be since they haven't really done any damage or caused any issues.  At least I'll be somewhat familiar with the layout I think as I grab my pull over and head out the door.